


Sweet Dreams Are Sour

by idkwatoputhere



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Bad Parents, Bullying, Gen, Ghost!Virgil, Happy Ending?, Heavy Angst, Honestly hurt to write this, How Do I Tag, Idk wat to put here, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Sad bois, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Verbal Abuse, beatings, fluff?, i didnt know how to end it, idk yet, severed limbs, tbh everyone needs a hug, uhh, was supposed to be a one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkwatoputhere/pseuds/idkwatoputhere
Summary: Virgil regrets it, he really does, if not for what he was forced to see, but for what the others were forced to see
Relationships: idk yet - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 53





	Sweet Dreams Are Sour

**Author's Note:**

> Heavy Angst, very possibly triggering  
> Tw: Bullying, Suicide, Gore, Sadness, Nightmares, Jumping off bridges, Self Blame, Heavy self blame, bad writing

Virgil was dead. He killed himself on March 22, 2007, but he was still there. He wasn’t visible, he couldn’t communicate with anybody, but he was still there. The only connection he had with anybody, though, was the fact that he could seemingly see his friends dreams. Not that they could really be classified as dreams, though, they were more of nightmares.

He first found out about this ability around 3 days after he ‘woke up’ again.

It was Patton's nightmare. It was… disturbing to say the least.

It started as a bright and sunny day, Patton, Virgil, Roman, and Logan were hanging out outside of the school, all chatting like it was a normal day. Then Virgil stopped talking and got a far off look in his eye. Nobody but Patton seemed to notice, and Virgil didn’t answer when Patton tried to ask him what was wrong. Roman and Logan were locked into conversation still, and Patton seemed to be increasingly worried.

Eventually, Virgil broke out sobbing, and ran away, and Patton seemed to be the only one to follow him, calling out his name in an attempt to stop him, but Virgil didn’t stop, he kept running, and running. Then, Virgil and Patton got to the bridge. Virgil climbed up on the railing, and looked back to Patton, who attempted to grab Virgil, but before he could, Virgil gave his 2 finger salute, before tipping off the bridge and falling for what seemed like forever.

It was a normal day, and Virgil and Patton were talking about Steven Universe, and laughing at each other's dad jokes, and then someone, whose face was completely blacked out, came over and shoved Patton out of the way, and grabbed Virgil by the collar. Panic was imminent in Vrigil’s face.

“Hey loser, why don’t you just jump off the bridge, it’s not like anyone will miss you,” the faceless person sneered, “all your friends only hang around you because you are weak and pitiful, and they feel bad for you.”

Patton tried to cut in to say it wasn’t true, but he was unable to speak.

The person shoved Virgil into the lockers, and then let Virgil go, who took off running while crying. Patton ran as fast as he could to catch up to Virgil, but found himself unable to catch him in time, barely there to see Virgil throw himself off the bridge. Patton ran over to the edge and tried to scream and reach for Virgil, but he couldn’t make a sound, or see him anywhere.

It was raining, and the whole friend group was downtown. They were walking and laughing together, they crossed a street, and someone started throwing slurs at them for being ‘clearly homosexuals,’ and Virgil really seemed to take it to heart. Patton knew that Virgil’s father didn’t accept him for being gay, so he hung back to reassure Virgil that they all cared about him, and that he shouldn’t take what the homophobe took to heart, but Virgil turned and ran.

Patton ran after him, sprinting as best he could, but he couldn’t reach him. He was gone by the time Patton got to the bridge.

The cycle kept on repeating and repeating, he kept on chasing and chasing, but he was never quite fast enough to save Virgil, he always was off the bridge before Patton could stop him. It was very sad to have to watch, even if Virgil knew it was just a dream.

At some point, the dream ended abruptly, and Virgil assumed that Patton shot awake.

Patton seemed to have that nightmare every night, and Virgil was stuck watching it for days, until he was thrusted into someone else's dream.

It was late, and nobody could find Virgil, and everyone was panicking. They all split up to look for the missing boy. Remus went to the woods.

He wandered for a while, and saw something in the distance, a figure running away from him. Remus chased the figure through the woods. He ran and ran until he came to a house, and assumed the figure was inside the house. Remus knocked on the door, and it opened. His eyes widened in shock, the house was much larger on the inside than it was on the outside, and whereas the outside looked abandoned, the inside looked like someone was actively cleaning it.

Remus wandered in, looked around. He wandered into a room with a couch and a t.v. above a fireplace. There were some bookshelves along some of the walls, and paintings hanging on the walls as well. Although, Remus barely noticed these details. He was too busy staring at the couch, and the large blood stain, and the piece of hair that looked suspiciously similar to Virgils. 

Remus’s heart was beating hard as he continued on, and he somehow made his way into a kitchen. There was a stove, a sink, cabinets, and a refrigerator. On one of the counters, there was a cutting board, and on the board sat a severed finger. The finger had the nail polish on it that Virgil had on before he went missing. Remus was tearing up at that point, and he couldn’t stay in that room. He moved on.

He made his way into a study of sorts. Bookshelves and paintings lined all the walls, and there was a desk near the end of the room. There were open books on the desk, and a chair sat behind it. On the chair, sat Virgil's jacket. The jacket was covered in blood, and some of the patches had been ripped off. Remus grabbed the jacket and hugged it close into his chest, tears falling out of his eyes uncontrollably, but he didn’t stay there for long, though, if there was any hope of Virgil surviving, then he would need to move fast.

He continued wandering, and he found a dining room that had a blood covered boot of Virgils on the table. He found a bathroom with blood, and Virgil's pet tarantula crushed in the middle.

Eventually, he found his way to a bedroom. What he saw in there made his heart stop. Virgil was on the ground, the figure above him was beating him with a bat. His eyes were rolled back, and he wasn’t moving, his finger had been cut off, and so had one of his feet. Remus launched himself at the figure who was beating his friend, knocking him off the poor boy. Only then did Remus get a good look at what the figure looked like. It had the twisted face of Virgil. It stared up at him, and laughed before coughing up blood. He stopped breathing, and his eyes rolled back into his head. He was dead.

Then the dream ended.

He was haunted by the nightmare almost as much as Remus was probably.

He jumped between Remus’s and Pattons’s nightmare for another few days before being thrown into another.

Logan was sitting at Virgil’s funeral. He had tears streaming down his face. Patton was clinging to him, sobbing. They couldn’t understand why he killed himself, it made no sense. They stayed there for a long time, Logan Patton, and their other friends. Hours, they just stood there, wondering what they did wrong to make him feel unappreciated, or unloved.

They finally went home, and Logan went straight to his room. He sat staring at his computer for what seemed like forever before he finally laid down to try to sleep, but sleep never came. Instead, thoughts of what Logan could have done to help Virgil, if he had only known. 

Suddenly, Virgil’s voice echoed through the room, hauntingly.

“Why didn’t you notice me? I thought you were supposed to be the smart one,” the voice said. “You should have noticed. You failed me, you failed everyone.”

“I’m sorry,” Logan choked out, sobbing.

“Are you? If you really cared, you would have saved me. Why did you leave me alone?”

“I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know.”

“You would have known, if you cared enough about me to notice me,” the voice sounded hurt.

“I did care, I was too distracted with everything, I’m sorry,” Logan sobbed.

“Are you sorry? Really? I don’t believe you,”

“Please, I am so sorry, I never meant to let you go unnoticed.”

“Sure.”

The voice continued to berate Logan for not caring, and Logan took it, crying openly. Suddenly another voice joined Virgil’s. It was Patton.

“You failed him, Logan,” it said.

“P-Patton?” Logan questioned.

“You failed me,” the first voice chimed in.

“He was counting on you, and you didn’t notice, and even if you did, would you even have been able to help? You're so emotionless, I bet you would have just told him that he was fine, and expected it to help.”

“N-no, I would have done research into how I could have helped him,” Logan tried to explain.

“Oh, so you wouldn’t have known any way to help him on your own? And you call yourself smart, you really are just an idiot.”

Then, another voice joined in, making it a trio of voices verbally attacking Logan.

“Are you really any better than anybody else at the school, as you noticed just as well as anyone else did,” Remus’s voice asked.

“Remus?”

“I mean, I may be vulgore, but at least I don’t need to do research to find out how to help a friend who is in pain. At least I am not emotionless.”

“I am not emotionless, I’m just not good with them!” Logan insisted.

“So then, you’re saying that even if you did know, you really wouldn’t have been any help to me?” Virgil’s voice said.

“No, I could have helped him feel more wanted.”

“Could you have really? Do any of us ever really feel wanted by you?” Patton’s voice boomed, cooly.

“You don’t think that I want you?” Logan sobbed.

“No, of course we don’t, you act like we are just idiots who you only stay around because you don’t want to make us feel bad,” Roman’s voice joined in.

“Not Roman too…”

“Of course Roman too, you failed him too,” Virgil echoed.

“You failed us all, how could we ever forgive you Logan?” Roman added.

“Yes, what my brother said, you really are just a failure, you probably wouldn’t care if we all died.” Remus said, in a vindictive tone.

“Of course I would care, you are all my best friends,” Logan sounded pleading at this point, he sounded completely broken.

“We all know that that is a lie,” Janus’s voice joined the party.

“No it isn’t!”

“Are you really going to continue lying to yourself like that?” Janus boomed.

“I’m not lying to myself.”

“Hmm, you sure about that, I think you are,” Virgil stated.

The voices of their friends continued to abuse their ‘friend,’ and he eventually gave up on fighting back. Logan sat there sobbing on his bed for what seemed like forever, before he woke up and the dream ended.

Virgil felt awful, he made his friend feel so awful, and like he didn’t deserve his friends, and even though it was all Logan’s brain, it didn't help him feel any better.

Another dream came.

Janus was sitting with Virgil on the roof. Virgil was sobbing into Janus’s shoulder, and Janus was trying to help out his friend. Nothing Janus was saying seemed to reach Virgil’s ears, though. Janus still tried, even if it ended up as Virgil just sobbing into his shoulder for a while.

They ended up sitting on the roof for a long time, and skipped school. They sat together, all speaking eventually died out and they sat in silence, other than Virgil’s broken sobs. Eventually, Virgil said that he had to go home, or his parents would be worried. He left, and Janus stayed on the roof for a while before venturing back into his room.

The next day, Virgil was eerily quiet, and acted more shy than he had since he transferred to their school. At lunch, the group were making plans to go out, but Virgil said that he couldn’t go that day, and told them to just go without him. Janus was hesitant to just leave it like that, and decided that he wasn’t going to go if Virgil couldn’t. 

It ended up with everyone other than Virgil and Janus going to the park after school. At the end of the day, everyone piled into Remus’s pickup truck and headed to the park, leaving Janus and Virgil alone.

“You should’ve just gone with them,” Virgil stated.

“Eh, it’s more fun with you there, plus I am swamped with homework,” Janus joked, and the pair started walking home.

“Is there any particular reason you couldn’t go today?” Janus questioned, his curiosity getting the better of him after a while.

“I, too, am swamped with homework today,” Virgil laughed, but it sounded empty.

“Hmm, you sure?” Janus was suspicious now.

“Yep.”

“Hmm.”

“Well, here is my house, see you later, Janus,” Virgil said, and then quickly ran inside his house, and Janus continued on, heading home.

In the coming days, Virgil couldn’t hang out after school at all, and then, suddenly, he started getting picked up by his parents at the front of the school.

Soon, Virgil was avoiding the friend group at the end of the day, and then that turned into avoiding them in general.

One day, Janus got a text from Virgil, the first contact he had with the boy in days, the text apologised to Janus for avoiding them, and said that after they had skipped school, that his parents decided that his friend group were bad influences, and that he wasn’t aloud to hang out with them anymore.

The text then said that Virgil was done living under his parents' beck and call, and that he loved Janus and all of their friends, and that he would miss them dearly.

At first, Janus thought that Virgil was running away, but then it hit him.

Janus had never run as fast as he had in that moment. He ran to Virgil's house and frantically knocked on the door, and his parents opened the door, clearly looking down on Janus.

“Virgil isn’t here, he just went on a walk, and he is grounded anyways, so he can’t hang out today.”

Janus took off spriniting in the direction of the bridge. He didn’t make it in time. By the time he got there, there was already an ambulance, and police cars there. He didn’t see Virgil, but he saw the sheet over the body, meaning that he was dead. He broke down and cried. If he hadn’t made Virgil skip school, he would have never died. It was all his fault.

Then he seemingly woke up, as the dream ended.

Again, he was soon thrusted into another dream.

Roman and Virgil were hanging out at a mall, and Virgil was trying to drag Roman into a Hot Topic. Eventually Roman complied, and followed Virgil into the store. It was relatively empty when they first entered the store, but after it started filling up. Eventually Roman lost Virgil in the crowd, he couldn’t find the little emo anywhere, and he panicked. He called Virgil, who then told him that he was fine, and that Roman should just go home. So he did.

The next day at school, he and Virgil were walking together in the hallway, and they got separated by a crowd. He couldn’t find Virgil anywhere, and eventually gave up and headed to their first period. Virgil was there when he got there. He laughed as Roman looked at him bewildered.

Then as they were about to head out to go to lunch, they were talking and laughing. Then, the hallway started to fill up, even though the hallway they used to get to the cafeteria was normally practically empty. Roman and Virgil got separated again, and so Roman made his way to the cafeteria, and then called Virgil, who told him that he had hidden out in the bathroom, and was going to wait out the mass of people.

It kept on happening, everytime Virgil and Roman hung out together, they got seperated in a crowd, and Roman would not see Virgil again until a while later.

Then, one day, Roman showed up a little late to school, and Virgil was in the classroom before Roman was. Roman slid into his seat next to Virgil, and he was acting a bit strange. He seemed sad, but he was acting very bold. He openly said that he didn’t do the homework because he didn’t feel like it. Something Virgil would never say, even to another student. He always would freak out if he forgot it, and was too anxious to not do the work, so to hear the boy say that he didn’t do the work was troubling.

Then, at lunch, Virgil got a piece of cake, which may be normal for most high schoolers, but not Virgil, he was way too self conscious about his weight. It was almost like he didn’t care anymore.

Virgil, seeming like he didn’t care, went on all day, and when he was extended an offer to go walking around in the forest, something he was normally way too anxious to do, he agreed to go.

The group of friends made their way to go to the forest, but to do that, they had to cross the bridge. 

As soon as they stepped onto the bridge, it was like every person in a two hundred meter radius decided to swarm the bridge, they could barely keep a hold on each other. Then, Roman felt Virgil’s hand let go of his own, and he disappeared into the crowd, Roman tried to yell out to the others to stop, but they couldn’t hear him, and when he tried to force the group to stop by stopping himself, Remus pulled him hard to get him moving again.

They got off the bridge, and everyone was confused as to where Virgil was, to which Roman screamed at them for not paying attention to him trying to grab their attention so they could go find Virgil.

Then, Patton shrieked. Roman turned around and saw Virgil falling towards the ground, and went running. Virgil hit the ground, and Roman woke up.

Virgil kept on being thrusted into dream after dream. He regretted killing himself, if he only knew what the effect would be when he did it, he wouldn’t have. He wished he listened to all those posts about how people would miss you if you died, he wished he didn't think that he only had friends out of pity. He wished he was smarter.

And then, everything slowed down, and everything hurt, and he burst awake.

He was in a hospital? He heard crying, and turned his head to see Patton, who basically launched himself at Virgil.

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyyy, thanks for reading this. I had no clue on how to end this, so if you have any requests for what to do next, send them over, it would be greatly appreciated. 
> 
> It took me a really long time to write this, because I kept on crying, it was a whole ordeal. At one point I was going to just give up one it, but I didn't because idk actually


End file.
